My Two Foreign Teachers，本文主要内容关键词为：Foreign论文,Teachers论文，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
Our former foreign teacher is a young man who comes from England.He is a reserved person who does not talk very much to strangers,does not show much emotion,and seldom gets excited.He always enters our classroom with a bottle of water and a single book in his hand,he likes wearing T ,shirt and jeans,which looks very easy-going but neat 1.We all like making friends with him,he sometimes play jokes with us with his humor.So he makes our class very lively and interesting.2 Besides,he likes humming while writing on the blackboard.But when there is no one to answer his questions,he likes shrugging his shoulders with a vacant look 3.
In contrast,our present foreign teacher is a middle-aged woman,who comes from Cameroon.She is a solid-bodied,sharp-eyed woman,and her appearance does not suffer from being over 4 prepossessing.She looks very serious and strict.She is mean with her smile.She always comes into our classroom with no smile with a bag under her arm with a cell-phone in the other hand 5 .She always makes us nervous and frightened.She is high 6 and rotund,however,she sits down in front of the class on a rickety desk that protests under her weight,we are always afraid that the desk may crash to the floor.She sometimes sends short messages by cell-phone while listening to other' s speeches; what' s more,she always asks the whole class to look at her face which makes her like an inviolable Queen.Neither do I like her nor hate her 7,but to give credit where credit is due--she is a kind-hearted and responsible woman.
Simon's Comments:
This essay is,on the whole,well-written and clear.The author brings out the character of the two foreign teachers well.However,there are some problems which need discussing.
The first paragraph about the Englishman has one major fault--it is written in the wrong tense.Although it could be argued that he is still young,still from England and still serious,most of the activities described no longer happen.He no longer teaches the author and the author's classmates,so he always entered the classroom with a book and a bottle of water,not "enters the classroom with a book and a bottle of water".Other than that the other major problem with the first paragraph is that of sentence construction and use of language.If we look at (1),we should rewrite the sentence as'...he likes wearing a T-shirt and jeans,which makes him look easy-going and neat.'If we omit the "makes him'part,then it sounds like the T-shirt and jeans are easy-going,which is not the writer's intention. Following that,we should look at the next two sentences (2)Here,students should remember it is good style to try to link sentences where possible with conjunctions.So we can rewrite this as "We all liked making friends with him as he sometimes played jokes onus,which made his classes lively and interesting."The two following sentences (3) suffer from the problem of a misused conjunction.Here the author uses the word "hut".However,"but" should be used to bring in a contrary or contradictory phrase; or to explain why something did not occur; or to show surprise.Unfortunately it is hard to see how this is the case here.We can remedy this problem by simply deleting the word.
The second paragraph discusses the author's new foreign teacher.Here once more the problems lie with some sentence structure and language problems.(4) should be 'overly',(6) should be 'tall' ,not 'high'.If someone is high it means he is under the influence of illegal drugs.The sentence(5)is rather clumsily expressed as it uses the word 'with'three times in succession in an odd fashion.We can rewrite it as 'She always comes into our classroom without smiling with a bag in one hand and a mobile phone in the other.' (7)should be'I neither like her nor hate her'.
In terms of the content of the article,I would like to say that students should always endeavour to back up what they say with evidence.For example,in this article the teacher from Cameroon is described as rather rude and haughty.She doesn't smile,demands the students look at her all the time and sends text messages whilst students are giving speeches.However,the author then concludes by saying she is kind-hearted and responsible.The phrase contradicts what the author has just said so utterly that the effect is rather comical.Perhaps the author felt he/she had been too harsh on the teacher and wanted to try to balance his/her comments.However,it is not enough to say she is kind-hearted and responsible;the author needs to give some evidence to support this.If space is a problem,then students must remember this at the planning stage.Too many students fail to plan what they write,making the conclusion of the essay look hurried and confusing.
Simon's Revised Composition:My Two Foreign Teachers
Our former foreign teacher was a young man who came from England.He was a reserved person who did not talk much to strangers,did not show much emotion,and seldom got excited.He always entered our classroom with a bottle of water and a single book in his hand.He liked to wear a T-shirt and jeans,which made him look very easy-going but neat.We all liked making friends with him as he sometimes played jokes on us,which made his classes lively and interesting.Besides that,he liked humming while writing on the blackboard.When there was no one to answer his questions,he liked to shrug his shoulders with a vacant look.
In contrast,our present foreign teacher is a middle-aged woman,who comes from Cameroon.She is a solid-bodied,sharp-eyed woman,and her appearance does not suffer from being overly prepossessing.She looks very serious and strict.She is mean with her smile.She always comes into our classroom without smiling with a bag in one hand and a mobile phone in the other.She always makes us nervous and frightened.She is tall and rotund; however,she sits down in front of the class on a rickety desk that protests under her weight,and we are always afraid that the desk may collapse under her weight.She sometimes sends short messages by cell-phone while listening to others'speeches; what's more,she always asks the whole class to look at her face which makes her look like an inviolable queen.Although I sometimes find her difficult to get along with,I neither like her nor hate her.To give credit where credit is due--underneath the surface I believe that she is a kind-hearted and responsible woman.