Life Is No More Than a Food-chain，本文主要内容关键词为：Life论文,Food论文,chain论文，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
齐齐哈尔大学外语学院杨英敏原稿：
Life Is a Food-chain 1
I regarded December 5th 2 as the most significant day in my life,which suspended 3 my complaining about my university and inspired me to think about making myself armed with knowledge and quality in order to find a good job to survive in the society 4.
It was the day that when the precious and welcomed job fair stepped into our university.To seek some experience for next year,in spite of a junior,I had plenty of interest in participation of the job.Finally I did.
On the way to the job fair market,filled with excitement,curiosity,passion and nervousness,I ran all the way 6.It took 15 minutes to arrive there usually,but that day only 5 minutes 7.In sight of the scene on the spot,I was shocked a lot.There were so many candidates in such a grand hall that I scarcely squashed in.Seeing the candidates wearing professional suits,with elaborate and thick resumes in hands 8,I had great confidence in their gaining a good job.Especially those in English major which is the major department in Heilongjiang province would have greater chance to get a job 9.And I said in my heart,"May you succeed." Then I looked around to see the employing units 10.As a student of a normal school,I paid close attention to normal schools.To my great surprise and disappointment,there were only no more than 5 public schools that demanded candidates from universities of "211" 11.Almost no unit would like to give the least chance for our university's 12.Sighting this scene,I was becoming indignant.Why couldn't they give a chance? If given the same opportunity,we could do as well as others,or even better than them.Just then a headmaster of a high middle school provided one invaluable opportunity for candidates of our school.I smiled and appreciated his benevolence.However,because of lack of experience and capacity,our candidates failed to reach his standard after four procedures.Then my mood could be described beyond words.
Standing in the center of the hall for a long time,I turned back for classes in low spirits and in complex mood.At that time I saw a picture about food-chain framed on the wall 13.It read," The lion eats the zebra that eats the grass.The snake catches the toad that eats the insects that nibbles the green leaves."The more ferocious and the stronger ones eat the weaker and smaller ones 14.It suddenly awakened me.Our fiercely competitive society is just the cruel nature world,and everybody is an animal or plant like a food-chain 15.The fittest are survivors.just as the bigger and more potential firms merge the smaller and ordinary ones.
From then on,I'm studying harder to arm myself with extensive knowledge and ability 16.As long as I strengthen and enhance myself enough,I can survive in the food-chain instead of being eaten in the future.
专家修改稿：
Life Is No More Than a Food-chain
I regarded December 5th,2007,as the most significant day in my life,when I stopped complaining about my university and was inspired to think about making myself armed with knowledge and capabilities in order to find a good job to survive in society.
It was the day when the precious and welcomed job fair stepped into our university.Even though just a junior,I had plenty interest in participating in the job fair to gain some experience for the coming year——and I did.
Filled with excitement,curiosity,passion,and nervousness,I ran all the way to the job fair.It usually takes 15 minutes to get there from my dorm,but that day it took only five minutes.I was shocked a lot by the scene at the job fair.There were so many candidates in such a grand hall that I could scarcely squeeze in.Seeing the other candidates wearing professional suits,with elaborated and thick resumes in hand,I had great confidence in their gaining a good job.Especially those English majors from a major university in Heilongjiang Province would have a greater chance to get a job.And I said in my heart," May you succeed."Then I looked around for the employers.As a student of a normal school,I paid close attention to employers from normal schools.To my great surprise and disappointment,there were no more than five public schools that demanded candidates from universities of "211".Few employers would give a chance to the candidates from our university.Seeing this,I was becoming upset.Why couldn't they give us a chance? If given the same opportunity,we could do just as well or even better than the others.Just then a headmaster of a high school provided one invaluable opportunity to the candidates of our school.I smiled and appreciated his kindness.However,because of the lack of experience and capability,our candidates failed to reach his standard after four test procedures.Then my mood could not be described with words.
Standing in the center of the hall for a long time.I turned back for classes in a low spirit and heavy mood.At that time I saw a picture about the food-chain framed in the wall.It read,"The lion eats the zebra that eats the grass.The snake catches the toad that eats the insects that nibbles the green leaves." The stronger and bigger ones eat the weaker and smaller ones.It suddenly awakened me.Our fiercely competitive society is just like the wild nature,where everybody is an animal or plant in a food-chain..The fittest are the survivors just as the bigger and more powerful firms absorb the smaller and ordinary ones.
From then on,I have been studying harder to arm myself with extensive knowledge and skills.As long as I strengthen and enhance myself enough,I can survive in the food-chain instead of being eaten in the future.
总评：
This is a fairly well written essay with a clear theme and nice flow of ideas.Attending a crowded job fair,the author realizes that this is a world of "survival of the fittest" and she needs to work harder to get better prepared to compete in the professional arena after graduating from college.This piece may be improved in idiomatic usages and sentence structures.Also,some of the mistakes are "careless mistakes," so a careful proofread might help too.The following are some of my suggestions for edits.
1.1ife与food-chain不属同类事物，逻辑上不可等同。加no more than使标题有“只不过是”的意思。
2.此外需要告诉你的读者具体的年份。我推断是2007年。
3.which在此指12月5号，后跟及物动词似不妥，因为我们可以在某天里做一件事情，但某天不可能做事情，所以应改用when，并以作者为主语。suspend是暂停的意思，此处用stop好像更确切。由此往后，对此文用字的斟酌不一一解释。
4.泛指的society不加the。
5.to seek...I did两句不通顺，也没很好地连接起来。前句中in spite of使用不妥，应改为even though。我将两句用破折号(dash)连接，使结果更突出。
6.句中已有ran all the way，就不应用on the way了，意思重复。
7.此句意思不完全。用15分钟跑到某处要有起点，我想大概是从宿舍。
8.习惯用法是something in hand，注意hand是单数。此处也可用resumes in their hands。
9.此句的原意不清，我根据上下文改动。
10.Look around是在寻找，所以加for。
11.No more than 5已包括only的意思，所以两者不需同时使用。在一般的英文作文中，单数用文字表示，10以上用数字表示，句子不可用数字开始。
12.Almost no在这里造成语意不清，有还是没有？用few更合适。
13.此句中的picture可以有两种表达方式：a framed picture hanging on the wall，或a picture framed in the wall.我选第二种用法，变on为in。
14.原句中的ferocious and strong与weaker and smaller不对仗，所以改为stronger and bigger与weaker and smaller。
15.Cruel nature听上去有点贬义，用the wild nature更符合习惯用法。
16.注意时态。从去人才市场到现在一直在做的事应该用完成进行时。
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