我曾恨过我的残疾弟弟，本文主要内容关键词为：我曾论文,残疾论文,弟弟论文，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
Growing up,Jo Worsley felt insanely jealous of the brother whose disabilities made him the centre of attention.
It's a terrible thing to admit,but I haven't always liked my brother.In fact,he used to embarrass and even repel me.He's never hurt me or been vicious towards me（注：从未对我有恶意。）but,at times,I have hated him and it's only sinceI've started to mature that I have learned to accept him for who he is.（注：在我开始成熟时，我才学会接受他这样子。）Nick is 17 now and he is handsome.well dressed and passionate about football...he also has a mental age of 3,（注：他只有三岁小孩的智力。）due to a problem during his birth.
When we were growing up,I suffered from an overwhelming feeling of disappointment when I realised we'd never be able to play together like other siblings.（注：
/：（常用复数）兄弟（或姐妹）；同胞。）As a precocious（注：precocious/
/：早熟的。）seven-year-old,recovering from my parents' separation,I watched from the sidelines（注：在局外旁观。）as social workers,paediatricians（注：paediatrician/
/：儿科医生。）and care assistants advised my mother on how to cope.Nobody advised me.I didn't know how to handle my humiliation when the kids at school teased me-"Your brother's a spack,（注：（俚）“白痴”。）isn't he?"-or my embarrassment when Nick kissed strangers and my jealousy at the amount of adult attention he generated.
As a child,it was my brightness that brought me attention from the adults,but Nick,who had little intelligence,seemed infinitely more interesting and loveable than me.I felt I could never compete.
When I mentioned my jealousy,my grandmother was incredulous:"How can you be jealous of that poor little thing?"And when I confessed to feeling embarrassed about Nick,I was told l was spiteful.I felt I wasn't allowed to express anything but pity and love for him-so I expressed nothing andbecame withdrawn and uncooperative.
For many years my mother raised both of us on her own while managing a full-time job.She was incredibly busy and Ispent much of my time alone.I found it difficult to invite friends home because of the strain（注：strain：压力。）onmy mother,and because my brother was in nappies（注：nappy：尿布。）and I was afraid my friends would be able to smellhim.Subsequently,I felt a huge amount of anger towards Nick,which fermented into hate（注：慢慢地发展成为一种仇恨。）-Iwould often pinch him surreptitiously.（注：偷偷地拧他。surrepti tiously/
/：秘密地；偷偷地。）
I felt as though I was being pushed out of the nest.Nick seemed to suck up all the time,attention and money,as well as exhausting my mother.I didn't understand why his special school had five holidays a year,plus endless trips and parties,while I had to share textbooks at mine.（注：我在学校里与人共用课本读书。mine这里指my school。）
In my early teens,I remained consumed by negative emotions.（注：充满了消极的情感。）I looked to（注：look to：指望。）adults to see how I should behave and feel.My mother'sboyfriend hinted that he'd marry her only if she'd "put Nickaway" and our neighbours made well-meaning,but pointlesscomments-"It's such a shame..."Most of the time Nick wasreferred to as "special".Once,he refused to leave asupermarket and lay on the floor in protest.I didn't think ofhim as special.I just wanted to slap him.
I was ashamed of my feelings,which affected my reaction topeople with mental disabilities.When I saw groups of mentallydisabled men,I felt terrified and revolted.（注：revolted：厌恶的。）I wished that,somehow,they could simply be humanelyput down（注：可以用人道的方法结束他们的生命。）—I justcouldn't see any point to their existence.I began to treatNick like a chore,merely something that had to be fed andcleaned up.
My relationship with my brother started to change when Imoved away.Mum always encouraged me to work hard at schooland I saw this as my escape route.I wanted to put as muchdistance as possible between my self and the daily routine offeeding,bathing and changing Nick.So I concentrated all myefforts on school and won a place at Cambridge.
When I went away to university,it was like being onanother planet-away from home and the responsibilities I wasused to.My relationship with Mum improved as we found moretime to talk and show each other more appreciation.Myresentment towards Nick also lessened.
During my first term I saw the movie What's Eating GilbertGrape?Amazingly,this had a profound effect on me-I found Icould identify completely with the relationship betweenGilbert and his mentally handicapped brother.After a scene inwhich Gilbert strikes his brother out of pure frustration,Ifelt a sense of relief.I'd spent so many years feeling guiltyand ashamed of my brother,but somehow this film taught me Iwasn't the only one.
When I returned home for Christmas,I found to my surprisethat living apart had made me view my brother very differently.I found there was someone in my life who squealed withpleasure（注：高兴得大声尖叫。）when he saw me.I foundthings I liked about Nick-his sense of humour and hisunpredictability-and,when I read to him,I realised he lovedbooks as much as I did.I thought about my life at universityand,knowing this would never be available to him,I felt sad.Ihad always dismissed Nick as being stupid but,now that I knowhim better,I can see that he's actually very bright.And thisis different too.I think how different the situation wouldhave been if only he'd had two more minutes of oxygen at birth.
Nick is a wild card（注：不能自控的怪人。）in socialsituations.He turns ordinary rules of behaviour upside down（注：他的行为和常规颠倒。trun sth upside down：把事情弄颠倒。）,which requires gentleness and spontaneity from the people hemeets.Inevitably,some people are not up to the challenge.Ihave learned that there are other types of handicap-emotionaland intellectual.My brother teaches a different kind of loveand I'm reappraising（注：reappraise/
/：重新评价。）what I've learned about normal and appropriate behaviour-whenNick walks down the street and hears music,he dances,and ifhe likes the look of someone,he hugs them.Occasionally I'llput out my hand to restrain（注：阻止。）him,but sometimesI don't,because some people don't mind.
To look at Nick now it's hard to believe that specialistshad warned Mum that he would probably remain a "vegetable"throughout his life.Mum refused to believe this and spent four years trying treatments designed to manipulate the way his brain operated.Patterning（注：范型疗法。指对脑损伤或弱智儿童施行的通过爬行、散步等活动示范以恢复其失灵机能的疗法。）has helped reprogram his brain by the constant repetition of sitting,crawling and standing movements.Cell therapy,a homeopathic（注：homeopathic/
/：顺势疗法的。）treatment,has helped stimulate his brain.
Nick now enjoys playing snooker（注：snooker：（斯诺克）台球。）,he possesses enormous enthusiasm for books andwrites often to me.If it wasn't for Mum's dedication,he'dstill be in a vegetative state.And now I'm spending more timewith him,I'm learning lessons that,ordinarily,I'd never havelearned.