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From 1999 to 2000 I was a visiting scholar in the Departmentof Continuing Education at City University,London.While I wasdoing research work on adult education,I learned about Britishcustoms and language as well.I hope the comparisons I make herewill make things easier for those who want to go abroad.
"Be Careful!" and "Are You OK?"
On one occasion,I was invited to Scotland for a few days'visit and had a chance to stay with my friend's grandparents.Both of them were over 80 years old but very energetic andhumorous.After I arrived I started chatting with them in theliving room and pretty soon we were already like friends.When dinner was ready,everyone was leaving for the dining room.I,the only Chinese around,stayed behind according to the Chinesecustom and wanted to help the grandfather because he haddifficulty walking.As he was walking unsteadily,I said to himworriedly,"Be careful!" I was sure that everyone had heard me,but no one turned around as if they had heard nothing.Wantingto help him,I said again "Be careful"while he was staggeringon the way to the dining room.I wondered why no one was tryingto help him.But it seemed that the grandfather neither expectednor needed any help and insisted on walking alone by himselfwithout paying any attention to me.At the same time,his grandsondid ask him,"Are you OK,Grandpa?" He replied,"Yes,I am fine.Thank you".
"Be careful" is used very often in China to show concern forothers.But in Britain it sounds like giving an order or awarning.You could say that to younger people but never to thoseof your age or of older generations.I felt very much shockedwhen my friend explained this to me later on.On the other handan English expression such as "Are you OK?" would soundindifferent to us Chinese.In Britain,however,it is a properexpression to be used on that occasion.My friend also told methat the British didn't like being asked too much.Besides,theyemphasize being independent so much that they consider it ashame to ask for help if they could manage it by themselves.
"You Should Do or Shouldn't Do..." and "Are You Sure?"
A friend of mine who was rather thin and very particularabout what she ate every day felt very ill sometimes.Wheneverwe had a meal together,I used to say "You should eat more anddrink more hot water in winter(the British like drinkingice-cold water all year round).You should set aside some timefor exercise every day and you shouldn't stay at home all thetime in winter".To my surprise,she wasn't grateful but seemedto be offended.She snapped back at me,"Aren't you bossy?"I feltpuzzled.Later on,she told me that the English would say if theywere in my position "Maybe you should drink more hot water inwinter" or "Are you sure you wouldn't like any more to eat?"Saying in that way,she explained,you are giving people morechoices whereas sentences like "You should do..." or"Youshouldn't do..." often make people feel like being treated likechildren.Feeling a bit embarrassed,I humoured myself,"Is shereally English?Do the English understand 'English'?"
"That's What I Should Do" and "It's My Pleasure"
We Chinese like to say,"That's what I should do" when we arethanked for our help to others.I used to think it had the samemeaning as "It's my pleasure" when the British say it in similarsituations.But in fact they are quite different.In English,"That's what I should do" implies one is obliged to do somethingmaybe because he or she has been paid to do so,while "It's mypleasure" only shows one's politeness and good manners,whichmeans one is happy to help others without any expectation ofbeing paid.
The British Custom of Addressing Each Other
The British address each other by their given names if theyare colleagues or when they have got to know each other.I hadknown this before I went there while what I didn't know wasthat it was impolite if one calls them by their surnames,which is opposite in China.I was told when I was young that Ishould call those who were a couple of years my senior,"elderbrother or sister",and those who were of the older generation,"uncle or aunt".Generally speaking,it is common for Chinese tocall each other by their surnames rather than given names.Butin Britain people often call each other by their given flames.They consider it rude to call each other by surname except onformal occasions with Mr.,Mrs.,Dr,or some other forms of titlein front of their surnames.One day someone at the universitysent me a message addressing me by my surname,which surprisedthe secretary in the office.She thought the person was reallyrude.Actually I didn't mind.For one thing,we have this customin China.For another,it is the different way in which we writeour names.The Chinese way of writing names is to put the surnamebefore the given name while in English it is the other way round.So I knew he didn't do it on purpose.
The British Way of Entertaining Guests
British people's attitude towards life is to relax and enjoythemselves whenever they are free to do so.They emphasize alot on being independent and having their own way even duringa dinner or party.I found it quite different from the Chineseway of entertaining people.At several parties I had been invitedto in London,I observed that people ate whatever they liked andeven could ask for their favourite drinks or food.If the weatherwas nice,some guests might take their drinks or food to thegarden,and some might just sit in the living room,chattingover the background music.The host seldom asked people whatthey preferred or that they should eat more.It was the samefor dinners.Guests were given things they asked for.If theysaid,"No,thank you" the first time they were offered something,they would never expect the host to repeat the request.Once Iwas invited to a dinner in a restaurant in London,I behaved ina very Chinese way,so in the end I felt hungry.The second timeI was invited,I knew how I should behave.But it was funny thatan English friend of mine had known some Chinese customs andinsisted on my eating more even.though I told them severaltimes that I had been full.Actually I didn't feel offended butrather touched.At the same time,another English friend said tome seriously,"You have your own right to do whatever you like,Wenli,and you have your own freedom to choose.Don't be influencedby others."This is very English.
There is nothing wrong with people behaving differentlyaccording to different customs.Language reflects culture andis a medium for transmitting culture while culture gives impetusto the language and is its foundation as well.I have come tounderstand that learning a language involves making comparisonsbetween two or even more cultures,and that the language shouldbe studied alongside the culture with which it is connected.