北京外国语大学著名教授熊德輗先生为你亲改英文作文，本文主要内容关键词为：为你论文,英文论文,教授论文,北京外国语大学论文,著名论文，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
聂智洋的原文
On the way to the classroom,I heard that we have got a new foreign teacher,who is an American from New York.To be frank,I have bias(1) against foreign teachers especially those from America,for my experience of getting nothing from even one of my Amarican teachers,who have taught us with enough fun but no content for two semesters (2).All I rermember now is their joking and clownery performance in the stereotype way as a Yankee (3).Except those,nothing more left,no mutual understanding and no after class communication.That is the deeprooted impression they have made on me,superficial and artificial,and naturally this time,no more expectation was cherished on the capacity and capability of the new one(4).
After entering the schoolroom,I found a suitable seat and chat with the girl next to me,just for killing time."Hello,gury,I am extremely glad to meet you here and spent the following semester with you! And I am Diana Brown.You can call me Diana,but by the way,not the princess in Britain but the one from the States.Got it?"a sweet woman's voice suddenly blew into my ears as its owner was writing her name on the blackboard.I looked up and found a common (5) pretty American young girl,her eyes bright and blue,her hair golden and curly,and a gentle smile at the corner of her mouth,somewhat looking like the eldest sister in the famous movie Sound of Music.Since the routine of everyone's self-introduction was over,the plan of her teaching was of fered (6),nothing new from her predecessors.But there was even more disappointing news that American political system will be the main stuff we will have to get along with for the rest of the academicyear!
Subconsciously,the bad memory of the previous foreign class gave us a so-so first impression on the poor teacher's apparently unchanged schedule.Therefore,in the right beginning,the blind resistance was so great against her andher teaching however interesting,knowledgeable and various as I see back (7) now,that the teacher had to have private talk with each of us since the room was nearrly empty during the class time.I regret so much.If I had only known then what I discovered long afterwards! (8)
The day for my turn came to her office (9).so I got there as arranged,fearing of being blamed for my frequent absence and preparing any excuse I can image to defend myself (10).But just at sight of the warmly smiling expression on her face,I realized that I was wrong and immediately hated myself to be so evil and wicked (11) to calculate the kind woman's heart in the bad side.The conversation took us approximate the next whole afternoon,and was worth cherishing forever.(12)
(13)To my amazement,she did not start with the reference of my absence,but my daily life of study,which eased my nervousness,from partly guilt of my fault and partly my poor spoken English.Through the exchange we understood each other better.I got to know that she was then a bachelor of political science from Yale University,only two years old than us.When I asked why she came to China,she said without hesitation,'Well,I have a hope when I was young to visit China one day and get a good knowledge of this mysterious and thousands-year old land and of course her current economic development and social progress,'then she added,'and another purpose is to have intercommunication with my Chinese peers,to know what they are doing and thinking and so forth.And you know I love you all,you are very diligent students and know how to make best use of your time without even a little waste of it.You will not regard my class as a waste of time will you?' 'No,of course not' I answered quickly. 'And gave me one chance to try my best,for I am not your teacher but your friend and not telling you how to do something but discussing with you which will be better,and improving ourselves together,'she asked,looking at me eagerly.(14) Encouraged by her honesty,I told her the stories of the former teachers.'I am sorry to hear that.'after hearing them,she murmured.
(15)In addition,two famous sayings she gave me to bestir me when I mentioned how terrible my pronunciation and oral English was and how unconfident I was while I was speaking English in front of the others ,are these as following:' Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than anything else' and'what is the man's first duty?The answer is brief:to be himself,even if he a slow walker,but he never walks backwards',which I found so useful afterwards and which l will keep in my mind for the rest of my life.
(16)Without my explanation,you will easily guess the result.Diana became one of us,and showed her talent.The form and content of her are colorful,and what is more,she has a versatile mind,and excel at playing the piano and painting.For me,she is both one of the best teachers and one of the closest friends I have ever met.As a teacher,she gave me more praise than that I have got from other teachers put together,which promoted my confidence.As a friend,she shared my happiness and sorrow.
All parties must go to their ends.Just one year later she left for her further study.We are all missing her now and in the deep of my heart she will always be there,looking at me and encouraging me as I am struggling through my life.
经熊教授修改后的文章
On my way to the classroom,I heard that we have got a new English teacher,an American from NewYork.To be frank,I have a prejudice against foreign teachers,especially those from America.My experience of being taught by American teachers told me that they pay more attention to making the class lively and entertaining than to what they teach.All I remember now are their jokes and little else.So this time I cherished little illusion on this new American teacher.
After entering the classroom,I found a suitable seat next to a girl and started to chat with her while waiting for the new teacher.
"Hello guys,I am extremely happy to meet you all today! "A sweet female voice suddenly came to my ears.I looked up and saw an ordinary pretty American young girl with bright blue eyes and curly golden hair.She looked on us with a gentle smile and continued to introduce herself:"My name is Diana Brown.You can call me Diana,but by the way,I am not the princess from Britain,but an ordinary girl from the States.Got it?"Typically she started with a joke like all the other American teachers,but all the same I quite liked her as she looked somewhat like the eldest daughter of the Austrian Captain in Sound of Music.But I immediately felt greatly disappointed when she went on to shy that she will be teaching us American political system for the rest of the academic year.
Looking back now,I must say her class turned out to be both interesting and instructive.But our prejudice against foreign teachers was so strong that the class attendance of her course was very low.She decided to have individual conference with each of us.
The day came when it was my turn to go to her office.Fearing for being blamed for my frequent absence from her class,Iprepared all sorts of excuses.But as soon as I saw her smiling expression I realized I had been wrong and began to regret for thinking so badly of her.To my relief shemade no mention of my absence but started to have a very friendly chat with me about our lives and studies.She told me she had a bachelor's degree in political science from Yale University and was only two years older than us,"I had a wish ever since I was young to visit China to get a good knowledge of this mysterious,and ancient land,and of course I wanted to,learn about your current economic development and social progress."Then she added:"My second purpose in coming is to have intercommunication with my Chinese peers,to know what you are doing and thinking and so forth."I was greatly moved by her frankness about herself,especially when she told me about her class and about her intentions:"You will not regard my class as a waste of time,will you?Please give me a chance to try my best.Remember I am not only your teacher,but also your friend.I will not tell you what you should do,but will discuss with you what is best to be done.In this way we can improve ourselves together."
Encouraged by her words,I confided to her my lack of self-confidence in speaking English because of my terrible pronunciation,and I found the advice she gave me most useful:"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than anything else.A man's first duty is to be himself.Even if he is a solw walker,he will never walk backwards."I will always remember these words.
You can easily guess that Diana did become our friend.We all enjoyed attending her class.As for me,I not only found her to be one of the best teachers who ever taught me ,but also regard her as one of the closest friends I ever had.But all parties must come to an end.A year later she left for her further studies.We all miss her,but in the depth of my heart she will always be there,watching over me making progress as I struggle through life.
总评：
文章写得生动、真实。目前在我们英语教学中，外教已成了越来越不可缺少的一部分，但是由于多种原因，尤其是由于传统文化和教育制度方面的差异，有不少外教在中国工作的效果不够理想。作者说她从前外教的课中什么也没有学到，虽然是夸张，但也反映了一个现实问题。文章的主要优点是生动地描绘了一个年轻的女外教如何成功地和中国学生沟通，鼓励并帮助学生。文章主要缺点是文字不够简练，句子太长，意思不够清楚。具体修改如下：
(1)这里偏见应该用preiudice，而指两个或两组人时才用bias。
(2)句子太长，意思混乱。
(3)表达不当，似乎对整个美国民族都有贬义。
(4)第一段的最后几句完全是重复一个意思，可以简化。
(5)这里“普通”应该用ordinary，因为common带有贬义。
(6)没有必要用被动语态。
(7)回想是look back，而不是see back。
(8)整段重写，简化了。
(9)这句语法不通，应改为：The day came when it was my turn to go to her office。
(10)这句还是太长，两个现在分词短语也不相称。
(11)用evil and wicked来责怪自己太过分了。
(12)整段做了修改，并连接到下段。
(13)下面这段有调整，有删减，也有修改和简化，请注意比较。
(14)下面这两句删掉，不应该议论别的外教。
(15)下面这一段大大简化了。老师的话再好也不能说成是名言(famous saying)。
(16)最后两段简化为一段。