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Everyone wants them,and some have more than others.Here they are:The keys to being popular!
Jamie always had a crowd around her.She wasn't especially knockout gorgeous.She usually had a couple of zits（注：〔俚〕小脓疱；丘疹。）,and she wasn't exceptionally good at sports.But she was one of the most popular students at school.Everyone loved her!
[2]Jamie was like a magnet.Wherever she went,someone wanted to be with her.It wasn't unusual to see Jamie listening to a football player share a problem with her,or to spot her showing a new student how to get to the biology lab.
[3]Why?What was it about Jamie that made everyone notice her?If her looks and her talents weren't anything to ★brag about（注：自夸；吹嘘。）,what did she have going for her?
[4]Here it is-short and simple-Jamie had learned the secret of being popular.She knew how to make friends and keep them.
[5]Jamie's secret to popularity really isn't something a rocket scientist has to figure out.It's actually very basic:Jamie was nice to everyone!
[6]Wait a sec,You're thinking.That's too easy.★ There's gotta（注：=There has got to。） be more to popularity than that!
[7]Yeah,there are a few more strategies we'll talk about in a few seconds,but the biggest secret of all-the one thousands of teens try to ★skip over（注：略过；跳过。）-is simply being nice to everyone.
[8]Jamie was as kind to the new student with no friends at all as she was to the football player.She had friends in the band and friends in drama.She refused to associate only with one group of people.Because she was kind to everyone,people responded by wanting to be around her.
[9]Okay,as mentioned a few lines earlier,there are some additional strategies that go along with Jamie's big secret of being nice to everyone.Ready to tackle them?Let's take a few minutes on each one.
[10]Sensational smile.There's something intriguing（注：感兴趣的；好奇的。） about someone who smiles a lot,isn't there?We're automatically drawn to someone who's happy.And wearing a smile usually implies the person behind it is approachable.
[11]If people know you're approachable,they'll start coming to you.And how will they know?Well,You'll make them feel at ease and comfortable.And how does that happen?By smiling.A smile is an open invitation to be approached.It says,"You can talk to me.I'll be friendly with you.Really.It's okay.I'm not going to hurt you."
[12]Smiles also convey something else that's really important when making friends.A smiling person insinuates confidence.(That was really a great point,did you get it?Or did you just zoom by it quickly?Well,to make sure you get it,let's go over it again,Ok?)
[13]Smiling insinuates confidence.I can already hear your thoughts screaming through the page at me.But I'm NOT confident,Susie.I feel insecure,and I'm always worried about what I look like and what everyone else is thinking,and-
[14]Whoa.Go grab some lemonade from the fridge and cool off.I said insinuates,not proves.In other words,a smile suggests that you're confident.You don't have to actually feel confident to smile.But when you do,people will think you're confident.Cool,ah?
[15]But here's something even cooler.The longer you practice smiling-even in intimidating situations-the sooner your smile will catch up with you.In other words,yon'll start to believe what the smile stands for.You'll gain confidence from smiling!No,it won't happen overnight,but it will happen.I promise.
Wow.Jenny had learned the secret of flashing a sensational smile.And she was right!Jenny always had a crowd of people around her.She was approachable,easy to talk to,and she genuinely cared about others.Know what else?She was beginning to feel the confidence that her smile suggested!
[16]Let's recap,okay?Jamie was popular because:
1.She was nice to everyone.
2.She smiled a lot.
[17]Ready for the next one?Jamie knew how to talk and listen.It wasn't unusual at all to see her listening to someone sharing a problem,but she was also a good conversationalist.In other words,the other person didn't have to do all the talking.
[18]Everyone knows someone who talks all the time.People like that are not much fun to be around,are they?I once had a friend whom I often ate lunch with.She talked all the time.As in nonstop.Once in a while,she'd say,"Susie,I don't understand you.You travel all over the place and speak to thousands of teenagers every year,but you sure don't say much one-on-one."
[19]I wanted to say,"How can I?You never give me a chance!"
[20]Everyone wants to talk.We all have a story to tell.Each of us enjoy having someone listen to what we say.It makes us feel important when someone is truly interested in what we're saying.
[21]Learn to listen.When other people find out you're willing to listen,believe me,they'll talk-and they'll be talking to you!But when you listen...really listen.I'm talking about genuine listening-not the kind of "listening" where you focus your eyes on the person speaking,but your mind is focused on Jason lssacs who's approaching your table.
[22]When someone is talking to you,zero in 100 percent on that person.It's easy to tell when someone's just pretending to listen but really thinking about something else.That won't fly in making friends.You'll be known as a phony.
[23]Okay,but once I've learned to be a great listener,what am I going to do with all the stuff I'm hearing?○ooh.That's a good one.
[24]You're going to have to learn to keep secrets.A genuine friend is one who can be trusted.When Josh tells you in confidence that he likes Bethany,you can't run off and tell her-even though it'll kill you not to.
[25]Would it ever be right to break a secret?○ooh.Another good one.And the answer is yes.If your friend is in danger of hurting herself or someone else,you can't keep that information private.
[26]Back to keeping secrets.Make it a priority.When people realize they can trust you-truly trust you-they'll feel safe in opening up to you with their problems,hurts,questions,fears and dreams.
[27]But listening is only half of this strategy.It's just as important to talk as it is to listen.The key is learning when to talk.Try not to talk just to hear yourself talking.That brings us back to my friend who just talked and talked and talked all the time.No one else could get a word in edgewise.
[28]Don't put the burden of the entire conversation on someone else.You've got to do your part,too.Talking is learning how to be a good conversationalist.
[29]Seventeen-year-old Lance says,"It always ★breaks me out（注：break out使不安。） when I'm with a girl who expects me to do all the talking.That's too much pressure.I like being with girls who can hold their own end of the conversation."
[30]Jeremy feels the same way:"Sometimes I'll be with a girl who acts like she's afraid to say something.I mean,how else are we gonna get to know each other if we don't talk and listen?But sometimes girls act like what they have to say isn't important.I wouldn't be spending time with a girl,trying to carry on a conversation with her,if I didn't care about what she has to say."
[31]Guess what?Lance and Jeremy aren't the only ones who feel this way.Everyone wants to be in a friendship that has both give and take when it comes to talking.
[32]There's Still More!
Recap-Popularity is gained through:
1.Being nice to everyone.
2.Smiling a lot.
3.Knowing how to talk and listen.
人人都想有朋友。有的人朋友多，有的人朋友少。想受人欢迎？这里有诀窍！
杰米的周围总是有一大群人。她并不特别靓。平日她脸上总长着两三个小脓疱，对运动也不是太擅长。但是，她是学校里最受欢迎的学生之一。人人都喜欢她！
[2]杰米像块磁铁。不管她去哪儿，总有人想跟她一起。看到杰米留神听一个足球运动员同她谈论某个问题，或发现她给一个新生指点去生物实验室的路，并不是一件奇怪的事情。
[3]为什么？杰米身上什么东西使得人人都注意她？如果她的容貌和才能没有什么可炫耀的话，那是什么使得她左右逢原？
[4]答案简单明了—杰米学会了讨人喜欢的秘诀。她知道怎样交朋友和与朋友相处。
[5]杰米讨人喜欢的秘诀的确不是火箭科学家才能想出来的东西，它实际上非常简单：杰米对每个人都友好！
[6]等会儿，你在想，这也太简单了。要讨人喜欢，还得有更多招数吧！
[7]对，还有几招，咱们待会儿再说，但最大的秘诀—不少青少年试图对此视而不见—就是对人人都友好。
[8]杰米对一个朋友都没有的新生同对足球运动员一样和蔼。她既有铁杆朋友，也有逢场作戏的朋友。她不愿意只同某个小集团交往。因为她对谁都好，大家的反应就是都想围着她转。
[9]好了，像前几行提到的，杰米除了对人人都好这一最大秘诀外，还有其它一些招数。愿意学几招？咱们每招花它几分钟。
[10]动人的微笑。爱笑的人有点魅力，是吧？我们不知不觉地被快乐的人所吸引。呈现出一张笑脸通常意味着笑脸后面的人是可以交往的。
[11]如果人们知道你可以交往，他们会开始向你靠拢。他们怎会知道？那是，你使他们感到安心而舒坦。怎样才会出现这种情况？通过笑。笑是在公开邀请人们向你靠拢。它在说：“你可以跟我交谈。我会对你友好，真的。没关系。我不会伤害你的。”
[12]交友时，微笑还传递另外一些确实很重要的信息。微笑的人暗示着信心。（这实在是很关键的，明白吧？或许你对此只是一瞥而过？好，为使你能明白，我们再来一遍，好吗？）
[13]微笑暗示着信心。我已能听到你怀着种种顾虑从字里行间向我尖叫：可我没有信心，祖西。我感到不安，总是为我的形象和别人会怎么想而担心，而且——
[14]停！到冰箱里拿点柠檬汁平静一下。我说的是暗示，不是证明。换句话说，微笑使人联想到你是有信心的。你不必为真的感到有信心而微笑。但是，当你微笑时，人们会认为你有信心。挺棒吧，啊？
[15]但这儿还有点更了不得的东西：你练习微笑的时间越长——即使是在吓人的情形下——你的微笑与你融为一体的速度就越快。换句话说，你会开始相信微笑所表示的东西，你会从微笑中获得信心！不过，这不会在一夜之间发生，但这会发生。我保证。
哇！珍妮已掌握了发出动人的微笑的奥秘。她是对的！珍妮周围总是有一大群人。她易接近，好交谈，并且真心实意地关心别人。知道还有什么吗？她开始感到她的微笑给她带来的信心。
[16]咱们概括一下，好吧？杰米有人缘，因为：
1.她对人人都友好。
2.她爱微笑。
[17]准备好学下一招了吗？杰米知道怎么交谈和倾听。看到她在听人家谈论一个问题，这一点儿也不奇怪。不过，她也是一个交谈的好手。换句话说，另一个人不必把谈话全都包圆儿了。
[18]谁都了解喋喋不休的那号人。跟这号人交往没多大意思，对吧？我曾经有个朋友，经常跟她一起吃午饭。她讲起话来滔滔不绝，像一辆直达车。偶尔，她会说：“祖西，我搞不懂你。你每年到处旅行，向无数青少年讲话，但一对一时你肯定说得不多。”
[19]我想说：“我怎么能说？你从未给我机会！”
[20]每个人都想讲话。我们都有事情要讲。我们中不管哪个人，在有人听他讲话时，一定会很高兴。如果有人真的对我们说的事情感兴趣，会使我们感到自己受到重视。
[21]学会倾听。当别人发现你愿意听，请相信我，他们就会讲——他们就会对你讲！但是是在你倾听……真的倾听的时候。我说的是真听，不是说那种“听”——即把眼睛盯着说话的人，但心却放在向你的桌子走来的贾森·艾萨克斯身上。
[22]当有人跟你讲话的时候，把100%的注意力放在这个人身上。如果一个人装着在听，但实际上却在想别的事情，是容易看出来的。这样交友可不行，你会被人家当成骗子。
[23]好吧，可是一旦我学会做一个出色的倾听者，那我对听到的这些东西作何处置？噢，这问题提得好。
[24]你得学会保密。真正的朋友是可信赖的朋友。当乔希私下告诉你他喜欢贝丝妮时，你不能跑开去告诉她——尽管你不这样做会非常难受。
[25]有该把秘密告诉别人的时候吗？噢，又提了一个好问题。回答是肯定的。如果你的朋友处于伤害自己或他人的危险中，你不能对此事秘而不宣。
[26]回过头来再说说保密。保密第一。当人们认识到他们可以信赖你——真正信赖你——他们就有了安全感，会向你敞开心扉，诉说他们的困惑、受到的伤害、遇到的问题、心存的忧虑和梦想。
[27]但倾听仅仅是这个招数的一半。说和听同样重要。关键是学会什么时候开口说话。说话时，不要只顾自己讲，这会使我们想起我那位没完没了喋喋不休的朋友，没人能插上一句话。
[28]不要把谈话的重任全推到别人身上，你也得尽你的职分。交谈的过程，就是学会怎样做一个交谈者的过程。
[29]17岁的兰斯说：“和一个只想让我一个人说话的姑娘在一起时，我总是感到别扭，压力太大。我喜欢同能把握住自己说话分寸的姑娘在一起。”
[30]杰里米也有同感：“有时我会同举止好像怯于开口说话的姑娘在一起。我是说，如果我们不说又不听，我们怎能相互了解？可是有时候姑娘们表现得好像她们要说的话无足轻重。如果我对她要说的话不感兴趣，我就不会花时间跟一个姑娘呆在一起，尝试着同她交谈了。”
[31]猜猜为什么？兰斯和杰里米并不是有这种想法的仅有的两个人。在交谈时，每个人都想置身于既有付出、又有收获的友谊之中。
[32]还有呢！
概括一下——通过以下途径可以受人欢迎：
1、对人人都友好。
2、爱笑。
3、知道怎样交谈和倾听。
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