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根据下面漫画，请用“烟”为题，用英语写一篇短文，描述下面的内容，并就此发表你的简短评论。
要求：1。文章必须包括描述和评论两部分；可根据内容作适当发挥，注意行文连贯。2.词数100左右。
1.【思维导航】
这是一篇看图作文，该图画内容含义深刻，具有一定的写作难度。写作前一定要审清写作的要求。该篇文章素材是一幅图，它具有一定的含义，通过观察及写作要求，我们可以确定：(1)体裁：叙议结合；(2)人称：描述图片内容须用第三人称，发表简短评论要用第一人称；(3)时态：可用一般现在时。该篇写作主题和梗概为：一个年轻人在工厂，嘴里正吸着烟，这时他看到工厂里的一个禁止吸烟的标志牌，而工厂本身也正向大气中排放滚滚浓烟。年轻人顿时觉得困惑不解……由此，作者发表评论：相关部门应当采取措施禁止工厂有损于自然环境的行为！分析完后，就可以把图片展示在人物、地点、时间、事件等有机地串联起来，增加细节，连贯成文，做到层次分明，结构严谨，并准确选用相关词语、句型表达图画内容。该过程要注意巧用连接词。多写漂亮句子，恰到好处地增加一些相关名人名言或谚语。特别要写好开篇句和结尾句！
2.【学生习作】
试分析如下学生习作的优缺点并尽量改正其中的错误：
Smoke
This is a funny and instructive picture.In the picture,a young man is smoking happily in a factory while he sees a sign that means" No smoking" on the wall.But he finds that the factory is giving off large quantities of heavy smoke and it makes him feel very puzzling," Why does the factory forbid people to smoke while the factory itself emits so much poisonous smoke?"
Nowadays,many factories know the danger of smoking to themselves and don't allow people smoking in the factory.But they don't pay any attention to the danger that they cause to the whole society.And they let out lots of polluted smoke which does great harm to our environment.
I think that we could live without most of the industrial products,but we could not survive without nature! Therefore,something must be done to prevent the pollution caused by all factories!
3.【专家点评】
(1)总体评价
本篇看图作文图画内容含义深刻，具有一定的写作难度。本文作者能够全面驾驭图画的内容，准确把握主题，透视画面的表现，挖掘图画的寓意，观察仔细，联想丰富。在短文结尾谈到了自己的感想时，描述十分准确，上升到保护大自然这一高度，使全文主题更加突出。全文语言也丰富多彩，句式灵活多变，如果没有很强的语言概括能力，是很难做到这一点的。
(2)亮点或采分点
①本文首先对图片内容进行了简短的介绍，接着发表了作者的简短评论。文章结构严谨，审题准确，语言流畅，过渡自然。
②句式简洁且富于变化，灵活使用了各种从句、主动句、被动句等，体现了作者很强的语言驾驭能力。文章的得分亮点也较多。如最后一段第一句“...we could live without most of industrial products,but we could not survive without nature!”便不入俗套地点明了要采取相关措施的原因！可谓一语惊人，令人深思！
(3)错误更正
①文中第一段第二句中的while应改为when。
②文中第一段第三句中的puzzling应改为puzzled。
(4)锦上添花
①文中第一段第三句中的and it makes him feel...可以改为定语从句which makes him feel...。
②建议第二段第二句中的But they don't pay any attention to改为However,they don't pay any attention to...。
③第三段第一句中的live without改为do(go) without更好。
(5)五彩缤纷
本文中自由发挥的空间较大，可使用下面一些短语和句型来丰富文章的内容，增加文章的可读性。例如：
①表达“释放浓烟”这一信息除了用give off还可以用give out,send forth,send out,let off等等。
②在表达“观点”时，可用I hold the viewpoint that,I argue that...,In my opinion等等。
③Therefore,something must be done to prevent the pollution caused by all factories!也可以表达成Therefore,we must take measures to prevent the pollution caused by all factories immediately。
4.【参考范文】
Smoke
This is a funny and instructive picture.In the picture,a young man is smoking happily in a factory when he sees a sign that means" No smoking" on the wall.But he finds that the factory is giving off large quantities of heavy smoke,which makes him feel very puzzled," Why does the factory forbid people to smoke while the factory itself emits so much poisonous smoke?"
Nowadays,many people know the danger of smoking to themselves and don't allow people to smoke in their factory.However,they don't pay any attention to the danger that they cause to the environment.And a great number of factories let out a lot of poisonous smoke which does great harm to our environment.
I hold the viewpoint that we could do without most of the industrial products,but we could not survive in poisonous surroundings ! Therefore,something must be done to prevent the pollution caused by all factories!
5.【范文背诵】
请依据如下提示词在15分钟内背下范文（参见答案）并于第二天早晨再朗读并背诵一遍。
picture; smoking happily; sign; puzzled; give off; poisonous smoke; danger; pay any attention to; viewpoint; prevent.
6.【重写作文】
请于三天后先用纸蒙住上述学生习作及范文并依据上述提示词重写作文，然后与范文进行比较和修改。
请根据以上图画所提供的信息，用英语写一篇短文。
注意：1.词数：120左右；2.参考词汇：the carbon dioxide二氧化碳
1.【思维导航】
本文是看图和记叙结合的文章。学生可以根据图画准确把握其寓意，再由此理清文章的写作脉络。时态用现在时态，人称用第一人称形式。注意表达要全面准确。
2.【学生习作】
Obviously ,the picture above shows us that global warming is serious problem that we'll face in future.It leads to the rise of the sea level and greatly affects the life of the wild life.
With the development of industry and technology,more and more gas especially the carbon dioxide has been sent to the air,that results in global warming.It has a great effect on the sea,weather,wild life and our normal life.It even threatens the next generations.We have only one Earth.To protect our home is our duty.There are lots of ways reduce the global warming.For example,you can ride a bike instead of a car,use the environmental plastic bag and protect environment.
In a word,we should try our best to protect ourhome.
3.【专家点评】
(1)总体评价
通过图画所展示的内容不难确定主题，即全球变暖对野生动物等造成的影响。本文要点明确，逻辑严谨、层次分明，而且本文准确使用常用的过渡词及短语；还适当运用了非谓语动词和复合句使文章增色。
(2)亮点或采分点
①Obviously,the picture above shows us that global wanning is a serious problem that we'll face in future.
② With the development of industry and technology,more and more gas especially the carbondioxide has been sent to the air.
③In a word,in order to protect our home,we should make efforts to avoid the global disaster.
(3)错误更正
①especially the carbon dioxide has been sent to the air,which results in global warming.在非限制性定语从句中，不能用that引导，应该用which。
②文中There are lots of ways reduce the global warming.一句中ways后应加上to。
(4)锦上添花
①习作中用a serious problem，也可用高级词汇a serious issue。
②With the development of industry and technology前加上As we all know过渡词会更好。
③It even threatens the next generations.前加上What's more过渡词可使上下文衔接更加自然。
(5)五彩缤纷
本文中自由发挥的空间较大，可使用下面一些短语和句型来丰富文章的内容，增加文章的可读性。例如：
①To protect our home is our duty.不如It is our duty to protect our home.表达更通俗。
②In a word,we should try our best to protect our home.这句话的表达与上文的语句有些重复，如改为以下表达就会增色许多：In a word,in order to protect our home,we should make efforts to avoid the global disaster.
4.【参考范文】
Obviously ,the picture above shows us that global warming is a serious issue that we'll face in future.It leads to the rise of the sea level and greatly affects wild life.
As we all know,with the development of industry and technology,more and more gas especially the carbon dioxide has been sent to the air,which results in global wanning.It has great effect on the sea,weather,wild life and our normal life.What's more,it even threatens the next generations.We have only one Earth.It is our duty to protect our home.There are lots of ways to reduce global wanning.For example,you can ride a bike instead of a car,use the environment-friendly plastic bag and protect environment.
In a word,in order to protect our home,we should make efforts to avoid the global disaster.
5.【范文背诵】
请依据如下提示词在15分钟内背下范文（参见答案）并于第二天早晨再朗读并背诵一遍。
Obviously; leads to; As we all know; with the development of; results in; What's more; For example; In a word
6.【重写作文】
请于三天后先用纸蒙住上述学生习作及范文并依据上述提示词重写作文，然后与范文进行比较和修改。
标签：范文论文;