别人其实是你的一面镜子，本文主要内容关键词为：一面镜子论文，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
The first time you meet someone,in the first moment you form an impression in your mind of that person.Your reactions to other people,however,are really just barometers（注：barometer
〈喻〉晴雨表，变化的标志） for how you perceive（注：perceive
感觉，感知；察觉） yourself.Your reactions to others say more about you than they do about others.Therefore,you can allow others to be the mirror to illuminate（注：illuminate
照明；反映；解释） more clearly your own feelings of self -worth.Conversely（注：conversely
相反地；反之）,you can view the people you judge negatively as mirrors to show you what you are not accepting about yourself.
The challenge here is to shift your perspective（注：perspective
视角；观点；想法） radically from judgement of other to a lifelong exploration of yourself.Your task is to assess all the decisions,judgements you make onto others and to begin to view them as clues to how you can heal yourself and become whole.The lessons offered here include tolerance and support.
Tolerance You will need to learn tolerance in order to coexist peacefully with others.
I recently had a business lunch with a man who displayed objectionable（注：objectionable
讨厌的，令人不快的） table manners.My first reaction was to judge him as offensive and his table manners as disgusting.When I noticed that I was judging him,I stopped and asked myself what I was feeling.I discovered that I was embarrassed to be seen with someone who was chewing with his mouth open and loudly blowing his nose.I was astonished to find how much I cared about how the other people in the restaurant perceived me.I consciously（注：consciously
有意识地） had to shift from perceiving the situation as being about him to it being about me and my embarrassment.This allowed me to use this man's action as a mirror with which to see my own insecurities about being seen with a person who was less than perfect,and how that reflected on me.
Remember that your judgment of someone will not serve as a protective shield against you becoming like him.Just because I judged my lunch partner as offensive does not prevent me from ever lookina or actina like him.In the same way,extending tolerance to him would not cause me to suddenly begin chewing my food with my mouth open.
Support We are most often called upon to sup port others in friendship.Several years ago,Donna had been feeling very depressed.She had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years,and she was having a very difficult time accepting the loss.She had been laid up（注：be laid up因病（或伤残）卧床（或在家休养）） with a knee injury for several days,and the time alone at home certainly was not helping.Her misery was only compounded（注：compound
增加，加重） by her frustration at herself for not being able to pull it together（注：pull together使重新振作起来） and stop crying all the time.
Early one morning,Donna received a phone call with some terrible news:her best friend's brother had been killed in a car accident.Donna had known this friend,Mary,and her brother nearly her entire life,and the news was devastating（注：devastating
破坏性极大的）.However,Donna quickly pulled herself together,got in the car,and drove to her friend's house to be there with her.
Over the course of the next few days,amidst the haze（注：haze
迷糊，懵懂） of the funeral and hundreds of visitors,Donna was 100 percent present for Mary.She held her close while she cried endless tears,sat by her side as the waves of grief washed over her friend,and slept on the floor next to Mary's bed to make sure she did not wake up alone in the middle of the night.During that time she hardly felt any pain in her knee at all and none of the depression she had been experiencing.
Several weeks later,when life began to return to normal,Donna realized that the level of support she had given Mary far exceeded any support she had offered herself during her dark time.She was able to use the support she had given her friend as a mirror for the support she had been withholding from herself.She realized that her own tears required as much attention and nurturing（注：nurture
给…营养物，养育，培育） from her as anyone else's,and that if she could give it to another,she must be able to also give it to herself.
当你与某人初次见面时，你首先就在脑子里对他形成一个印象。然而，你对别人的反应其实正反映了你对自己的看法。这与其说是对别人的评判，倒不如说是对你的自我评判。这样一来，你能够以他人为镜子，更清楚地反映自己对自我价值的感受。相反，你也能以那些你不认同的人为镜子，由此了解你对自己所不认同的方面。
这里的挑战是彻底转变你的视角：不去评判别人，而要永远探查自我。你的任务就是审视你对别人所做的评定和判断，并以此为契机来改进、完善自我。我们在这里要学习的课程是宽容与支持。
宽容 为了与他人和平共处，你需要学会宽容。
最近，我与一个客户共进工作午餐，他的餐桌礼仪实在让人不敢恭维。我的第一反应就判定他是个不懂规矩的家伙，就餐没有礼貌，令人生厌。当我意识到自己正在评论他时，我停下来问自己是什么感受。我发现，原来我非常害怕被人看到跟这么一个张着嘴咀嚼、大声地擤鼻涕的人在一起，这让我很尴尬。我非常惊讶自己原来如此在乎餐馆里的其他人对我的看法。于是我有意识地转变了视角，不再因他而因为我以及我的尴尬来重新看待此情此景。这使我可以利用此人不甚完美的行为作为一面镜子，让我看到了自己羞于被人看到与他在一起的恐惧心理及其对我的影响。
记住，你对别人做出的评论，并不是可以保证你不会像他那样的盾牌。比如，我把我那位一起就餐的客户判定为不懂规矩的家伙，但这并不能保证我永远都不会有他那样的品行。同样，如果我对他宽容，这并不会使我突然也张着嘴咀嚼。
支持 朋友之间最需要相互支持。几年前，唐娜曾一度萎靡不振，因为她与交往了两年的男友刚刚分手，非常难以接受这种失去的现实。接着她又因为膝盖受伤而卧床数天；这样独自在家的日子，肯定是难挨的。她为自己未能自控、成天哭个不停而沮丧、懊恼，这又加剧了她的痛苦。
一天清晨，唐娜接到一个电话，得知了一个噩耗：她最要好的朋友的弟弟在车祸中丧生。唐娜和这位朋友玛丽及其弟弟有着多年的交情，可以算是一辈子的朋友，这一消息令唐娜悲痛万分。但是她很快控制住自己，立刻开车赶到了玛丽家里陪伴她。
在以后的几天里，在忙着张罗葬礼、接待众多吊唁者的同时，唐娜一刻不离地陪伴在玛丽的身边。当玛丽失声痛哭不能自己时，唐娜紧紧地搂着她；当玛丽悲伤过度，痛不欲生时，唐娜紧伴其左右；夜晚，为了让玛丽不会在黑夜里独自惊醒，唐娜就睡在玛丽床边的地板上。在那段时间里，唐娜几乎忘了她膝盖的伤痛以及自己曾经经历的消沉。
几星期后，生活恢复了正常。这时，唐娜意识到自己给予了玛丽极大的支持，却根本未曾在自己失意的时候给予自己以同样的支持。给朋友的支持犹如一面镜子，使唐娜认识到自己曾经吝于支持自我。她认识到自己的眼泪与别人的一样，也需要得到她的关心和爱护；而且如果她可以关心、爱护别人，她也必定能够关心、爱护自己。