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北京大学应用文理学院 魏菲 原稿：
A little bird once told me that be 1 can resist everything except temptation.No sooner had he said it than I burst into laughter And then.I was deep into thought 2.
Definitely,if you're breathing,you have difficulties in keeping yourself away from material or spirit inducement 3.Believe it or not and it's the way of life 4.Most of your choice may actually be good for your future or it will ruin your chance of progress.
Generally speaking,nowadays,someone may be wicked,and some may be despicable.Something may be incredible,and some may be impossible 5.The majority of such paradox 6 situations are out of our control,So what we have to do is command ourselves.By putting myself in their position,I know they have more miserable than I 7.Therefore.I forgive all that I have met and faced.No matter what kind of persons they are,no matter what kind of things they are 8.
A saying goes as follows 9,when you were born,you're 10 crying but lookers-on 11 were smiling.when you are passing away,you're smiling but lookers-on are crying.It describes that between your life and others',there is a long distance 12.Everyone bas its own way of making its 13 life colorful or dull.
I was moved when I read the sentence "However mean your life is,meet it and live it; don't shun it and call it bard names." in WALDEN which written by Henry Dacid Thorau.
Needless to say.it seems that someone have had the benefit of good education from well-known college,so I waste another year in taking the college entrance examination in order to get a high soccer for a famous university's admission 14.It seems that love can conquer all,so I fell in love with a play boy in order to bring him back to the righteous.It seems that everything happens for a reasonable excuse.Unfortunately,I got nothing from my regardless deeds 15.
Don't care what people say,just follow your own way 16.I whispered to myself.Better said than done 17.As matter of fact,it occurred to me that I always follow other's way and just do what they want me to whereas I almost ignore who I am 18.Once in a while.I do not known where my afterward is,I don't know where my soul is 19.Life is so beautiful I cannot help crying 20.
Most important of all,be sure that you have never had any regret in your life which only lasts for a few decades and it's meaningless to oppress yourself.Only in this way can we end our lives with happiness and satisfactoriness when death is coming to us.
In a word,so paradox the life is and I am sure we can do it 21.
专家修改稿：
A little bird once told me that she can resist everything except temptation.No sooner had she said it than I burst into laughter And then,I was deep in thought.
Definitely,if you're breathing,you have difficulties in keeping yourself away from material temptation and spiritual inducement.Believe it or not,it's the way of life.Most of your choices may actually be good for your future or they will ruin your chance of progress.
Generally speaking,nowadays,someone may be wicked,and some despicable; something may be incredible,and some impossible,The majority of such paradoxical situations are out of our control,so what we have to do is command ourselves.By putting myself in their position,I know they have bad more miserable experiences than I have.Therefore,I forgive all that I have met and faced,no matter what kind of persons or what kind of things they are.
As the saying goes,"when you were born,you were crying but the on-lookers were smiling; when you are passing away,you're smiling but the on-lookers are crying."It describes that your and others' lives are far apart.Everyone has his own way of making his life colorful or dull.
I was moved when I read the sentence "However mean your life is.meet it and live it; don't shun it and call lt bard names" in WALDEN by Henry Daeid Thorau.
It seems that people benefit from good education from well-known colleges,so I wasted another year in taking the college entrance examination in order to get a high score for a famous university's admission.It seems that love can Conquer all,so I fell in love with a play boy in order to bring him back to the life of righteousness.It seems that everything happens for a reason,but I got nothing from my deeds.
"Don't care what people say; just follow your own way," I whispered to myself.Easier said than done! As a matter of fact,I have always followed other's ways and just did what they wanted me to-I have almost ignored who I am.Once in a while,I do not know where my future is or where my soul is,Life is so beautiful,but I cannot help crying.
Most important of all,be sure that you have never had any regret in your life which only lasts for a few decades,and it's meaningless to oppress yourself.Only in this way can we end our lives with happiness and satisfaction when death is coming to us.
In a word,so paradoxical life is,but I am sure we can do the living.
总评：
This is a thoughts-generating essay.The author seems to ponder on whether or not she should lower her moral standard to fit in today's main-stream life.In the end,the author concludes that she should live her life the way she wants to,so that there will be no regrets at the end of her life's journey.On the other hand,the author also expresses puzzlement and,to some extent,confusion about good and evil,right and wrong,and uplifting spirituality and worldly materialism that she has faced and must deal with in her clay-to-day experience.I am not sure if I'd agree to all her arguments in this essay,but I think the "paradox in life" that she puts forth here may pique our readers for a meaningful conversation.I did some light editing through the text for idiomatic usage and sentence structure.
具体点评：
1.形容动物时，如没有性别指定，一般用雌性。
2.习惯用法是deep in thought，不是into thought。
3.material inducement一般指某契约双方达成协议时的具体先决条件，所以用material temptation似更妥。Material temptation和spiritual inducement都影响对生活方式的决定，所以它们之间的关系是and不是or。
4.It's the way of life是believe的宾语，所以不需要and连接。
5.Generally...impossible是“paradox”的定义，两句可以合并，使意思更明确，句子更简炼。
6.paradox的形容词是paradoxical。这里也可以用paradoxes.
7.此句不完整。我根据上下文改动。
8.No matter what kind of persons...no matter what kind of things.是两个短语，不是独立的句子，它们是前一句的延伸，所以应该和前一句合并。
9.习惯用法是as the saying goes。
10.注意时态，生下来是过去，死是将来。
11.观看是look on，观看者是on looker。
12.两人生活的不同不可用distance衡量。我改为far apart。
13.everyone指的是人，所以应该是his而不是its。在不指定性别时，应说his or her。
14.needless to say为确定，而it seems为不确定，不应同时使用。
15.此句句型不顺，可以说：I got nothing regardless of my deeds.为保留原句型，我将regardless从原文中删掉，使意思更明确。
16.引用句应使用引号。
17.习惯用法是Easier said than done.
18.此句的时态应该是过去时和完成时，因为作者讲的是过去到目前的状态。另外，as a matter of fact和it occurred to me语意不一致，所以将后者删去。
19.这句是个“run-on”句子，两个I don't know之间没有分号或适当的连接词。我把两句合为一句。
20.Life is so beautiful和I can't help crying是两个完整的句子，应该用连接词。根据语意，原句不可按so...that句型处理，否则会出现玩世不恭的意思。
21.此句中we can do it的意思不明确，“it”没有定义。我想it在这里指living the life，所以改为we can do the living.另外，上句和下句的逻辑关系应是but而不是and。
标签：life论文;