我们放弃的爱，本文主要内容关键词为：，此文献不代表本站观点，内容供学术参考，文章仅供参考阅读下载。
My father met my mother in a poker（注：poker
扑克牌戏） game.He said she was the best bluffer（注：bluffer
（打扑克时）用大赌注吓退对手者） he'd ever seen.She sat with five men at a table under an elm（注：elm
榆（树），英国榆（树）） tree that shaded them from the hot sun.Her talent for subterfuge（注：subterfuge
诡计，花招） lay hidden behind her sweet,serene（注：serene
（心境、态度等）安详的，宁静的） smile.She beat them all.My father couldn't take his eyes off her.
It was her company's annual picnic,and he walked her home.The next week he sent her a post card:"Remember me? Please do,' cause I'll be calling you one of these days.David."
She still has that post card.I'm not sure waht made her save it.Though he already had his heart set on her,she hadn't chosen him yet,at least not consciously（注：consciously
有意地，意识到地）.
As my father often told us while we were growing up,it w-as blind luck that the was at the picnic that day.A salesman for a big electronics company,he was in town to meet with cl-ients and happened to stop by the branch office that Saturday morning to make some calls.The telephone rang,it was the ma-nager of a local radio station with whom my father had done s-ome business."Dave! Glad you're in town!"he said,and invited him to come right over to their annual picnic.
My mother was a writer at that radio station.If my father hadn't stopped by the office that morning,he told us,or if he'd gotten there two minutes later...We shivered（注：shiver
颤抖，哆嗦）with a delicious（注：delicious
有趣的，怡人的）horror at the opportunity,the life--our live-s--that would have been missed.
My mother saw him when he was in town,but she dated other men,including a car salesman.Soon after she met my father,the car salesman gave her a watch for her birthday.In those d-ays the gift of a watch meant the relationship was moving tow-ard an engagement.But she returned the watch,and one night a few months later,she woke her mother and told her she was g-oing to marry Dave.
A few months after the wedding,my father was transferred East.They settled in New York,in the house where I grew up.
I was eight years old when I met my future husband.He was in secondary school,a friend of my brother's.I remember him only peripherallyy（注：peripherally
无关紧要地）,as I was much more interested in my brother's other friend--Fran-cois,a Swiss exchange student（注：exchange student（两国间）交换的留学生）,dark,mysterious（注：mysterious
神秘的）and polished（注：polished
优雅的，有教养的）.
Fifteen years later the man I would eventually（注：event-ually
终于，最终） marry came back to town for Christ-mas and stopped by my parents' house to pick up my brother for an evening out.When he saw me in the next room,he whispered（注：whisper
低语，耳语）,"Who's that?"
My brother looked at him strangely and said,"It's just L-isa."
He walked into the room,reintroduced himself and pretend-ed he didn't know how to wrap his Christmas gifts.I pretended to believe him and helped.He came around（注：come around 顺便来访）a lot over the next few days."I don't know w-ho he's interested in," my mother told me,"you or your sister."I knew.But later that week I flew across the country to spend New Year's Eve with another man.Though I'd been chosen,I w-asn't ready to admit（注：admit
承认，接受）it yet.
If the timing had been different,the distance less daunt-ing（注：daunting
吓倒的，气馁的）and my heart not al-ready --albeit（注：albeit
尽管，即使）unknowingly--e-ngaged,I could have ended up with that man whom I went off to visit.Or if not him,then with someone else.
Sometimes I think about that,how time sweeps us along and puts us in a certain place where we' re faced with one option or another.By chance and by the choices we make,we leave b-ehind whole other lives we could have lived,full of different passions and joys,different problems and disappointments.
My father could have missed that picnic.Or my mother cou-ld have picked the car salesman.She would have had other chi-ldren and an entirely different future.
Other times--particularly when I come home late to a slee-ping house,my husband and daughter curled around each other after drifting off（注：drift
偏离，飘；off迷迷糊糊地睡去（或出神））during the third reading of Jane Yolen's Owl（注：owl
深夜活动的）Moon--I think about the lives we would not have had if chance or choice had brought us to a di-fferent place.And I shiver,much the way I did as a child at the story of my father's near miss,at the thought that I mig-ht have missed this life,this man,this child,this love.
我父亲和我母亲是在一次玩扑克牌的游戏中相遇的，他说她是他所见过的最好的敢于下大赌注吓唬对方的牌手。当时她正和5个男人坐在一棵遮阳的榆树下桌子旁，她的脸上带着甜甜的、不露声色的微笑，把她会施诡计的本事藏了起来。她把他们全打败了，而我父亲的目光也离不开她了。
那天是她和同事们一年一次的郊游，之后我父亲步行送她回家。第二个星期，父亲寄给她一张明信片：“还记得我吗？请别忘记我，因为这几天我会给你打电话。戴维。”
母亲至今仍保存着那张明信片，我不敢肯定是什么原因使她留着它。尽管父亲已对她一见钟情，可当时母亲并未决定选择他，至少没有有意这样做。
我们长大以后，父亲常这样对我们讲：那天他去参加那次郊游纯属命运的安排。那时他是一家大型电子公司的销售人员，正在城里要见几位客户。那个星期六早上他碰巧顺道去分部办公室打几个电话。电话铃响了，是当地电台台长打来的，他与父亲打过一些交道。“戴夫！太好了，你在这里！”他说，并邀父亲马上过来参加他们一年一度的郊游。
我母亲是那家电台的撰稿人。父亲同我们讲，要是那天早上他没顺道去办公室，或者他晚去了两分钟……我们听到这，不免打了个寒颤，还带有一丝奇妙的后怕，因为要是碰不上，那就不会有我们了。
父亲在城里时，母亲见到了他，但当时她还与其他男人约会，其中一个是汽车销售商。母亲遇到父亲后不久，这个汽车销售商送给母亲一只手表作为生日礼物。在当时，送手表作礼物意味着两人的关系已发展到该订婚了，但母亲把手表退了回去。几个月后的一天晚上，她叫醒她的母亲，告诉她她要嫁给戴夫了。
婚礼之后又过了几个月，父亲被调到东部工作，他们便在纽约安了家，我就是在那儿长大的。
我是8岁时遇到我未来丈夫的，他那时正在上中学，是我哥哥的一个朋友。我记得我当时对他的印象很肤浅，因为那会儿我对哥哥的另一位朋友更感兴趣——弗朗索瓦，一个来自瑞士的交换生，皮肤黑黑的，挺神秘的，而且举止优雅。
15年后我最终与之结合的这个男人回家过圣诞节，顺道来我父母家接我哥哥晚上出去玩。当他看到我在隔壁时，小声问哥哥：“那是谁啊？”
我哥哥奇怪地望着他说：“那就是莉萨呀！”
他走进我的房间，重新做了自我介绍，并假装他不知道如何包装圣诞礼物，我也假装信了他的话并帮了他。后来几天里他老来我们家，妈妈对我说，“我不知道他对谁感兴趣，你还是你妹妹。”可我知道。但那个星期晚些时候，我还是飞到美国西部与另一个男人共度新年前夜。虽然他看中了我，可我当时还没想好接纳他。
假如换一个时间，距离没这么远，我还尚未心有所属——尽管是不知不觉地——我可能最终会与那个我飞去见面的男人生活在一起；要是不是他，也可能是另外一个男人。
有时我想时间究竟是如何控制着我们，把我们置于某一特定场合，使我们必须面对这样或那样的选择。出于巧合也罢，出于我们自己做的选择也罢，我们放弃了我们本可以与其他人过的共同生活，而那些生活中会充满完全不同的情感和欢乐，完全不同的问题和失望。
我父亲有可能错过那次郊游，而我母亲则有可能选择那位汽车销售商，那样她就会有别的孩子及一个截然不同的未来。
有时候——尤其是我回家晚了，家人都已入睡，而当我看到丈夫和女儿在第三遍读简·约兰的《深夜的月亮》时，迷迷糊糊地睡着后相互蜷在一起时——我想到要是命运或选择使我们处于另一种情形，我们就不会过这样的生活。而当想到我可能会错过这种生活，这个男人，这个孩子，这种爱时，我不免打了个寒颤，就像我小时候听父亲讲他差点错过的故事那样。
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